A few weeks ago I posted on my Facebook page about how I was telling fear to fu*k off! Since then a lot of women have contacted me to tell me how much the post has inspired and helped them, so I thought I’d share it here too. You can either click on the Facebook post just below and read the post as well as the comments, or if you’d rather stay on this site, then I’ve copied the post and shared below.
When you’re done with being scared…… when fear can go fuck off! That’s where I’m at right now, at a point in my life where I either do what I want to really do, or I sit back and regret not stepping up…..
I’m choosing the former… it’s time to do what I really want to do….
So today I’m telling fear to fuck off!
This is what fear has stopped me from doing in the past…… the things I could have achieved if I’d not been scared:
Since 2012 I’ve turned down so many opportunities, so so many. To be on TV, to be in the media, to work with some of the biggest people in business in the UK, huge offers of investment, to write articles for national publications, to appear as a guest star in various places on TV/media…… all because I was scared!
Right now I don’t know if I feel angry with myself or just stupid for doing so. However, I’m trying to be understanding and accepting of myself, because that’s no less than I deserve.
A few months ago I would have made excuses and allowed myself to accept what I haven’t done. I would have said, ‘but you had lots going on’ ‘you still achieved lots’ ‘you were raising a family’ etc etc and yes this is true but I still could have said yes to more things and I still could have achieved a lot more. The truth is I was telling myself lies because I was too scared of life being different, of life being more, of me being more….
I stupidly listened to those around me who told me I couldn’t do stuff. I let being bothered about what people thought of me stop me from doing what I truly wanted to do with my life. I let the voices from my past get in my way, remembered the times when people had said to me, ‘who do you think you are?’
Well not anymore. Since becoming single almost 3 years ago, I’ve really been able to find myself again. People keep saying that they can see the old me, the real me. And I agree, she’s been hidden for a while. I hid her. And now I’m so unbelievably sorry to her because I could have been in a different place right now. The only comfort I get is acknowledging that things happen for a reason and my belief in that we are all where we are meant to be.
The last few years have been tough, and I mean really really rough. I feel like I’ve been in a boxing ring, mostly with myself. Navigating becoming a single Mam has been really painful and I’ve felt like I’ve been on a rollercoaster. I’ve been racked with guilt and heartache but equally in awe of my kids and proud of what I’ve achieved, of what we’ve survived.
In the last few months I’ve come out from the shadows and began to put myself out there again. To get involved and to help people via my coaching…….and I’ve cried lots, because those who I’d helped in the past, and who I felt I’d walked away from, they welcomed me back with open arms…..and I feel so much love for them all ❤️
When people tell me, as they often do, how I inspire them, it used to make me feel like I wanted to hide, like I was some kind of imposter and that I’d be found out. I’m not sure what I thought I’d be found out for, as I’m always real, but I felt this none the less.
When Richard Branson told me I could make a living by inspiring people because I am inspiring to listen to I went away and hid even more.
And you know why I did this? Because I didn’t want to be seen. And I didn’t want to be seen because I didn’t like what I saw when I looked at me. And if I didn’t like what I saw then how on earth could I believe that others would like what they saw too?
But I wasn’t seeing what they were seeing!
Over the last few years I’ve done some of the hardest and most painful personal work in therapy and in my life. So hard that at times I thought it might just end me.
I’ve been to the most darkest places, felt some truly awful feelings, realised some painful truths…. there’s times I’ve been on my way into therapy and actually threw up, times I’ve just curled up and cried, times I’ve ran to my therapist and just threw my arms around her, and she held me…..and kept me safe…..
I finally feel that I have come out of the other side now. I needed to go there to learn who I really was. I needed to go there to get rid of all the negative and abusive messages I had internalised and to come through it knowing who I am.
And you know what? I like me now and I like what I see. I know who I am.
I will get to where I want to be. I will be me again and I will share that with the world and no one, including myself, will ever stop me again……
Because I’m not bothered about being seen anymore. I love me, all the parts of me and I love everyone in my life too.
So…….I will speak up, I will share my stories and I will look to inspire other people as this is what I finally believe I was meant to be here for. I have experienced so much in life and if I don’t share this then what a waste that would be!
So here’s to new beginnings, to recognised strength, to being courageous, to daring to be true and willing to be seen.
What warriors we all are ❤
P.S. I think this is the one time you will see me pout!ha